Chick On a Date

adventures in online and offline dating

An Open Letter to a Weirdo

Dear Online Dating Site Stalker:

Thanks for the three or four long, emotional messages per day for the past several months, but I have to tell you that I have decided to block you and your missives. Don’t take it personally; I just have a thing about guys who can’t take no for an answer. Call it a quirk. I know you mean no harm, because you’ve said those very words — “I don’t mean you any harm” — in probably the last 15 or so messages, but I decided some time ago that I would not be meeting you, so it is really a waste of time for you to continue to write to me.

At first, I thought you were just persistent, which can be an admirable trait. However, you have crossed the line into harassment, and for my own peace of mind I need to never hear from you again. Remember when I used to respond to you? Do you recall the things I said to you, things like “I don’t think we would be a good match” and “I’m not interested, sorry” and “No, thank you”? I did try to be polite at the beginning, you know. Your persistence turned into creepiness and I stopped responding to you and hoped you would take the hint and go away. But here you still are, and you’ve driven me to this blocking action by your refusal to move on.

I have reported you to the administrators of the site. This is not something I take lightly. From what I understand, that means your profile could be removed permanently. I don’t want that to happen if you are just a lonely guy who is trying to get to know someone. But a part of me thinks there could be something wrong with you, and if that’s the case I think being banned from the site could be a good thing for you. Maybe you need a wake up call; maybe you need to seek some sort of therapy.

I will understand if you get angry that you can no longer see my profile and photos; I get it if you are hurt by my actions. Your actions, however, have freaked me out and I can no longer ignore your weirdness. It is time for you to move on and for me to get some peace. Please don’t harass anyone else. Just take a “no” like a man and move on. Okay?


Fed Up

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Dating a DILF

Dating someone with young kids is tough. It’s been a long time since I’ve had to deal with little kid stuff, and I’m not sure if I’m up to the job. I had my own daughters when I was very young (like really way too young), so they’ve been adults for quite a while now, and I’ve kind of forgotten how difficult dating can be when you have children to consider.

I’ve begun dating someone with two pre-teens, and it’s a challenge. For one, it is sometimes difficult to even find time to get together. When he has his kids (and he has his children a lot of the time), it’s understandable that he wants to spend that time with them. The problem comes in when he says he also wants to spend time with me. The two don’t exactly fit together at the moment. I mean, it’s going to be a long time before (and if) I even meet his kids, so it’s not like we can all just do something together. I want to be very sure about a situation like this before I meet any children. I mean, what if I totally love them and then he and I break up?  That would be devastating. What if they hate me and it ruins our relationship before it even really begins? I don’t take this kind of thing lightly, and neither does he. But even if we’re on the same page with this, how the hell do you make time for everyone concerned? We’re moving more slowly than I normally would because of this, but I like him enough to tough it out for a while and be patient.

Another thing that makes dating this guy…. let’s say interesting… is their mother constantly calling him. I’m not a jealous person usually, and they’ve been divorced for quite a long time, but it seems strange how every single time we are together she either calls or texts. He doesn’t answer these calls when he’s with me, and I give him props for that, but it makes me wonder if she could be a problem in the future. I don’t need any psycho baby mama drama in my life. We all know I am not equipped to deal with that shit.

I think it’s very cool what a good father this man seems to be, and I enjoy hearing him talk about his kids. I also like feeling all knowledgeable and stuff because my own daughters have already made it through to adulthood fairly unscathed (I love giving advice, whether wanted or not). I admire his honesty when he says he feels torn because he wants to see me more than once a week or so, which is sort of impossible during the weeks he has his kids–and no, I don’t think he should be getting a babysitter all the time–at least not at this point in our relationship.

So for now things are moving slowly, and although that’s mostly because of his children, it’s not necessarily a deal-breaker. I’m not thinking exclusivity, though, either, so we’ll see what happens on that front. I’d love to hear any tips on dating a man with young kids: what works, what doesn’t, and even if it’s worthwhile in the long run. In the meantime, I’m still going out with other people, because it’s early for us and, honestly, because I don’t know if I’m even ready for this kid thing. We’ll see.

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You Never Can Tell

What’s the old saying? “You can’t judge a book by its cover”? True, and you also can’t judge a man solely by his online dating profile.

I have a confession to make here: I’m sometimes kind of a bitch when it comes to this dating thing. If I don’t like your pictures, or if you strike me as boring, I’m probably not going to go out of my way to talk to you much. I mean, I’ve completely blown off a lot of guys…and I’ll bet some of those guys are pretty great in person. I just wasn’t bowled over by something about them that I saw online.

But here’s the thing. I was doing this to a guy recently, kind of just ignoring him. Somehow we gotten to the point where we had exchanged phone numbers and everything, but we hadn’t met in the flesh yet. That’s probably because I just wasn’t all that excited about him. His photos were okay, but nothing really exciting. His profile was decent, but nothing really stood out to me. So every time he asked to meet, I would either make up an excuse or really be busy doing something I didn’t want to change.

But then one day I said, “What the hell” and we hung out for a while. And guess what? I really liked him. I mean, he was way cuter and smarter and funnier than I would have ever guessed. He made me laugh, made me think, and boy, does that guy have gorgeous eyes. I didn’t get ANY of that by looking at him online.

So this guy has forgiven me for being a bitch at the start and we are going out again soon. I’m pretty happy about that, because I could have ruined this whole thing before it even began. Lesson learned: no more judging a book by its cover. I’ll at least read the first chapter from now on.

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Let’s Make a Pact

We all know I’m currently boyfriend-less. I’m just another lonely lady in the lonely world looking for a lonely man to call her own. But I’ve been meeting some really interesting people lately and, who knows, one of them just may end up being the Man For Me. And if that turns out to be the case, I know there are some things I’ll have to change in my life. So here’s my Contract For Being A Good Girlfriend:

What I’ll Do For Love

I solemnly swear that at such time as I earn the right to call some guy My Main Squeeze, I will do or will no longer do the following things:

  • I promise to smash down my insane hair in the morning to the best of my ability so I don’t scare the hell out of him as soon as he wakes up.
  • I will limit the number of products in the bathroom to leave space for his personal items. (This is a hard one.)
  • I will not eat only a hotdog and a glass of wine for dinner (unless he happens to be as awesome as I am, and then I’m totally willing to throw a couple more dogs on).
  • I will remember to call to let him know when I’ll be late. I will also try really hard not to bitch at him if he forgets to call me. As long as he just forgets once. After that, dude’s on his own.
  • I will make it my number one job to make him laugh every day. Even if I have to fall down or put snow down my own pants to do it.
  • I will never forget his birthday or our anniversary, and I will think of amazing ways to celebrate. (I may need help with this one.)
  • I will always pick him first whenever we’re in a situation that calls for teams.
  • I will not make fun of him when he cries at a sad movie and then pretends he wasn’t crying. At least not much.
  • I will read aloud to him. Hopefully, this won’t be something I have to do against his will. I will also listen carefully when he reads aloud to me.
  • I will make up songs and stories about him. Everyone deserves to be the star of a song and a story every now and then. Especially my honey.
  • I will not make him do stuff he really hates, and if it’s something we both really hate then we will take turns or draw straws.
  • I promise to never withhold sex as a punishment. Because, after all, that’s really just punishing myself, isn’t it?
  • I will always ask his opinion about important things, and I will actually consider his opinion thoughtfully. No lip service here.
  • I will laugh even when he tells lame jokes. I will laugh especially hard at said jokes when we are in the presence of other people and no one else laughs.
  • I will always have his back.

I’m probably leaving a lot of stuff out, but that’s what we (whenever I know who “we” is) can figure out together. For now, I think this contract is mighty tempting to any man, don’t you?


Living Like I’m on Fire

Wanna know the best thing about dating? Yep, you guessed it: It’s meeting all those cool people. So I haven’t met The Man For Me yet; I HAVE met some amazing, interesting, fun, and fantastic guys. And I’ve realized that even when I’m sick and tired of going on first dates, ready to call it all off and just buy a bunch of cats and eat Mexican food every night, and dread the thought of meeting yet another creepy asshole, I can’t stop looking.

I’m looking because I know I’m better when I’m in a relationship. I know I’m more comfortable when I have someone to care for, to laugh with, to share my innermost secrets with. I realized a long time ago that I’m a snuggler. Sleeping alone drives me crazy; I’m always searching around, half-asleep, for the man I know is supposed to be sleeping over there on the other side of the bed. I love holding hands, kissing in the rain, getting a phone call in the middle of the day (that always cheers me up). I like eating with someone, traveling with someone, being excited to see someone at the end of a long day.

So I keep looking. I know, without a doubt, that I will find someone incredible to spend my life with. I’ve never doubted that. I may get frustrated because it’s taking so damn long for us to find each other, but I have always known that I will have someone holding my hand at the end of my life, someone to kiss me good night.

I know how to find him, I just don’t know when he’ll show up. I will keep going on those first dates (and seconds, and thirds…), and I will continue to talk to strangers and dance with friends of friends and take snowboarding lessons and join running clubs and take Italian classes. I will smile and keep an open mind and bitch about the losers and always be hopeful. I will live like I’m on fire, taking on too much that I don’t have time for and looking into the eyes of strangers to find that spark that will tell me we are supposed to be together.

Life is much too short to give up on love.








Down at the coffee shop,
Hoping you’ll come in,
Hoping you’ll sit down with me
So our new love can begin.

I don’t know who you are,
But I need a brand new start,
So come on to the coffee shop—
You’re welcome to my heart.

— Betty L. Killebrew

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