Chick On a Date

adventures in online and offline dating

An Open Letter to a Weirdo

Dear Online Dating Site Stalker:

Thanks for the three or four long, emotional messages per day for the past several months, but I have to tell you that I have decided to block you and your missives. Don’t take it personally; I just have a thing about guys who can’t take no for an answer. Call it a quirk. I know you mean no harm, because you’ve said those very words — “I don’t mean you any harm” — in probably the last 15 or so messages, but I decided some time ago that I would not be meeting you, so it is really a waste of time for you to continue to write to me.

At first, I thought you were just persistent, which can be an admirable trait. However, you have crossed the line into harassment, and for my own peace of mind I need to never hear from you again. Remember when I used to respond to you? Do you recall the things I said to you, things like “I don’t think we would be a good match” and “I’m not interested, sorry” and “No, thank you”? I did try to be polite at the beginning, you know. Your persistence turned into creepiness and I stopped responding to you and hoped you would take the hint and go away. But here you still are, and you’ve driven me to this blocking action by your refusal to move on.

I have reported you to the administrators of the site. This is not something I take lightly. From what I understand, that means your profile could be removed permanently. I don’t want that to happen if you are just a lonely guy who is trying to get to know someone. But a part of me thinks there could be something wrong with you, and if that’s the case I think being banned from the site could be a good thing for you. Maybe you need a wake up call; maybe you need to seek some sort of therapy.

I will understand if you get angry that you can no longer see my profile and photos; I get it if you are hurt by my actions. Your actions, however, have freaked me out and I can no longer ignore your weirdness. It is time for you to move on and for me to get some peace. Please don’t harass anyone else. Just take a “no” like a man and move on. Okay?

Sincerely,

Fed Up

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Dating a DILF

Dating someone with young kids is tough. It’s been a long time since I’ve had to deal with little kid stuff, and I’m not sure if I’m up to the job. I had my own daughters when I was very young (like really way too young), so they’ve been adults for quite a while now, and I’ve kind of forgotten how difficult dating can be when you have children to consider.

I’ve begun dating someone with two pre-teens, and it’s a challenge. For one, it is sometimes difficult to even find time to get together. When he has his kids (and he has his children a lot of the time), it’s understandable that he wants to spend that time with them. The problem comes in when he says he also wants to spend time with me. The two don’t exactly fit together at the moment. I mean, it’s going to be a long time before (and if) I even meet his kids, so it’s not like we can all just do something together. I want to be very sure about a situation like this before I meet any children. I mean, what if I totally love them and then he and I break up? ┬áThat would be devastating. What if they hate me and it ruins our relationship before it even really begins? I don’t take this kind of thing lightly, and neither does he. But even if we’re on the same page with this, how the hell do you make time for everyone concerned? We’re moving more slowly than I normally would because of this, but I like him enough to tough it out for a while and be patient.

Another thing that makes dating this guy…. let’s say interesting… is their mother constantly calling him. I’m not a jealous person usually, and they’ve been divorced for quite a long time, but it seems strange how every single time we are together she either calls or texts. He doesn’t answer these calls when he’s with me, and I give him props for that, but it makes me wonder if she could be a problem in the future. I don’t need any psycho baby mama drama in my life. We all know I am not equipped to deal with that shit.

I think it’s very cool what a good father this man seems to be, and I enjoy hearing him talk about his kids. I also like feeling all knowledgeable and stuff because my own daughters have already made it through to adulthood fairly unscathed (I love giving advice, whether wanted or not). I admire his honesty when he says he feels torn because he wants to see me more than once a week or so, which is sort of impossible during the weeks he has his kids–and no, I don’t think he should be getting a babysitter all the time–at least not at this point in our relationship.

So for now things are moving slowly, and although that’s mostly because of his children, it’s not necessarily a deal-breaker. I’m not thinking exclusivity, though, either, so we’ll see what happens on that front. I’d love to hear any tips on dating a man with young kids: what works, what doesn’t, and even if it’s worthwhile in the long run. In the meantime, I’m still going out with other people, because it’s early for us and, honestly, because I don’t know if I’m even ready for this kid thing. We’ll see.

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