Chick On a Date

adventures in online and offline dating

Dating a DILF

on November 4, 2012

Dating someone with young kids is tough. It’s been a long time since I’ve had to deal with little kid stuff, and I’m not sure if I’m up to the job. I had my own daughters when I was very young (like really way too young), so they’ve been adults for quite a while now, and I’ve kind of forgotten how difficult dating can be when you have children to consider.

I’ve begun dating someone with two pre-teens, and it’s a challenge. For one, it is sometimes difficult to even find time to get together. When he has his kids (and he has his children a lot of the time), it’s understandable that he wants to spend that time with them. The problem comes in when he says he also wants to spend time with me. The two don’t exactly fit together at the moment. I mean, it’s going to be a long time before (and if) I even meet his kids, so it’s not like we can all just do something together. I want to be very sure about a situation like this before I meet any children. I mean, what if I totally love them and then he and I break up?  That would be devastating. What if they hate me and it ruins our relationship before it even really begins? I don’t take this kind of thing lightly, and neither does he. But even if we’re on the same page with this, how the hell do you make time for everyone concerned? We’re moving more slowly than I normally would because of this, but I like him enough to tough it out for a while and be patient.

Another thing that makes dating this guy…. let’s say interesting… is their mother constantly calling him. I’m not a jealous person usually, and they’ve been divorced for quite a long time, but it seems strange how every single time we are together she either calls or texts. He doesn’t answer these calls when he’s with me, and I give him props for that, but it makes me wonder if she could be a problem in the future. I don’t need any psycho baby mama drama in my life. We all know I am not equipped to deal with that shit.

I think it’s very cool what a good father this man seems to be, and I enjoy hearing him talk about his kids. I also like feeling all knowledgeable and stuff because my own daughters have already made it through to adulthood fairly unscathed (I love giving advice, whether wanted or not). I admire his honesty when he says he feels torn because he wants to see me more than once a week or so, which is sort of impossible during the weeks he has his kids–and no, I don’t think he should be getting a babysitter all the time–at least not at this point in our relationship.

So for now things are moving slowly, and although that’s mostly because of his children, it’s not necessarily a deal-breaker. I’m not thinking exclusivity, though, either, so we’ll see what happens on that front. I’d love to hear any tips on dating a man with young kids: what works, what doesn’t, and even if it’s worthwhile in the long run. In the meantime, I’m still going out with other people, because it’s early for us and, honestly, because I don’t know if I’m even ready for this kid thing. We’ll see.

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One response to “Dating a DILF

  1. phish56 says:

    it is a Very tough balancing beam to walk… if you have a kid, you want to make sure the new person you are dating likes kids, your kid likes them, etc etc.. but you don’t want to have a “revolving door” for you kid either, and have everyone you date meet them… so when do you take that step… let’s see, first date, you like them and kiss them goodnite, 2nd date you like them and have more chat/talk and maybe even minor intimacy.. third date, you remember stuff about them, start to like them… how soon does it become important to have your kid involved ??? My son is old enough now it doesn’t matter much anymore [gonna be 16 in just over a month, I barely see him, lol]… hmmmm

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