Chick On a Date

adventures in online and offline dating

Looking For Jake Ryan

If you’re an American woman of a certain age, you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about. We all want Jake Ryan.

For those not in the know about this, Jake Ryan was a character in the John Hughes classic Sixteen Candles. Jake (played by Michael Schoeffling; was he ever in anything else?) was Samantha’s (Molly Ringwald) love interest, and he was just as cute as can be. And every. single. woman. who ever saw this movie wanted her own Jake Ryan.

Of course it doesn’t hurt that Jake Ryan (for some reason you always have to say his full name; just Jake won’t do) is to-die-for gorgeous. I mean, look at the guy. Piercing eyes; thick, luxurious hair; sexy sideburns; and an extremely kissable mouth. Hoo-doggy, what a nice specimen of manhood. But his looks are NOT what most women love about him. Uh uh. What we really love about Jake Ryan are all those perfect-boyfriend qualities that every single one of us desires. In other words, I’m not looking for someone who looks like Jake Ryan, but who embodies the Jake Ryan-esque traits I adore.

So what makes Jake Ryan so special? Let me spell it out for you:

1. He’s funny.

Okay, maybe that scene isn’t a good example of his sense of humor, but take my word for it.

2. He is sensitive and stands up for the downtrodden.┬áJake Ryan is one of the beautiful people. He has a gorgeous girlfriend, popular friends, and a hell of a lot going for him. But he doesn’t treat “the little people” like crap. Not Jake Ryan.

The Geek (played by Anthony Michael Hall) is stuck under a glass-topped table. Does Jake Ryan leave him there to die? No. He lets The Geek out, gives him a beer, and lets him drive his car. How many people would do that for a nerd? And he falls in love with a dorky chick, even when his friends wonder what the hell he’s thinking. He stands up for her. He thinks for himself. What a lovely man is Jake Ryan.

3. He is deep. Jake Ryan has a gorgeous girlfriend who puts out and likes to party (or vice versa). And yet, he is drawn to the quiet, sweet Samantha instead. I personally have no idea what he was thinking, but hey, what woman doesn’t want a guy who looks under the surface of a woman to fall in love with who she really is?

4. He is romantic. Everybody else forgets poor Sam’s birthday, but not Jake Ryan. He even gets her a kick-ass birthday cake and (I am assuming) lifts her up onto the table to eat it with him. And he opens doors for her! And he looks into her eyes longingly! And he thinks she’s the cat’s pajamas (my words, not his)!

What woman wouldn’t like that shit?

As soon as I find my Jake Ryan, it’s all over. And he’s out there.

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